50 SHADES OF BLUE

 

Once Upon a Time, I was a sickenly-sweet moppet of a child, the darlingest of tots. According to my unbiased mother. And also according to mom, I developed one bad habit. If I didn’t get my way, I’d protest the unfairness by holding my breath. Until I turned blue. After several of these tantrums, fearful for my life, poor mom called the doctor, begging for his help. Doc said, “Ignore her. Walk out of the room. She just wants attention. The worst that can happen is she’ll faint and then start breathing again.”

It just about killed her, but she walked away. Being a fast learner, I never bothered turning blue again. And we all lived happily ever after.

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could say that I never-ever again demanded my own way? It’s easy enough to justify being demanding in this world because I see the same behavior from others every day, usually on the news. Sometimes it has to do with which direction one’s knees are bent, up or down. Protesting in its many forms is demanding attention, wanting what we want when we want it. And if we don’t get it, we’ll “hold our breath” in one way or another until we get it.

Although I’ve never tried holding my breath literally in adulthood, since the Lord saved me, it has now occurred to me that maybe, sometimes, rarely, I’ve done it spiritually. If He isn’t giving me what I ask for, speedily, well, I recognize that I have indeed held my spiritual breath as an incentive to Him to produce-or-else.

It’s unnerving to see that in print, to admit to myself and to Him that this is in my heart. It’s obvious that turning spiritually “blue” means that I don’t believe His way is best, no matter what His timeline is. It’s an obvious lack of trust, and God has never been a fan of whining and complaining children. He doesn’t panic about His kids’ behavior. The wandering Israelites learned that the hard way, moaning about their wandering and His manna provision (Numbers 21:4-5).

My patient and loving Father, thank You for gently (and sometimes forcibly) teaching me to stop holding my spiritual breath in a bid for what I think is proper attention and instant gratification. Sometimes I’m a slow learner, thinking that feeding my pride is preferable to humbly and joyfully trusting in You with all my heart. Please help me to remember that You graciously give me breath every day. I want to live out Your written word in Psalm 50, and be like all creation, that everything (including me) that has breath praise the Lord. Thank You for causing me daily not to hold my breath, but to breathe out praise for Your excellent greatness!

 

ARE WE COMFY?

Back in my youthful days, I used to wear size 7-1/2 shoes.  Over time, something sinister, like gravity, has taken hold, and now my average shoe is a whopping size 9.  Since “comfort” is now my middle name, no 6-inch pointy-toed pinching instruments of torture for me.  No sirree, gimme shoes with stretchy fabric and marshmallowy insoles.

Yes, being comfortable seems to become more important the older I get.  I want things to be easy, not hard, I want to feel good, not bad.  I had a friend once say, “what is life, if not to be comfortable?”  I remember cringing at that remark … yet, here I am, craving comfort in my shoes, my pillows, and my car.

But thankfully, the Lord loves me so much that He’s spent the last 3 decades teaching me that life is more than squooshy comfort.  As I’m learning to know Him, I’ve found that sometimes His Word is not comfortable at ALL.  In fact, more often than not, it “pinches” my heart. And the crazy thing is, this is one area where I actually WANT to be somewhat uncomfortable.

So I need to check myself, as I do my daily reading.  Am I looking only for the “comfortable” verses?  Or do I want to experience growing pains from His words?  If I’m opening myself to Him as I read, and ask to be taught and convicted of sin, I know that He will do it.  He certainly wants me to be comfortable and secure in His love, promises, and salvation.  But beyond that, He also desires that I grow up in Christ (1 Peter 2:2; 2 Peter 3:18; Ephesians 4:15).  That means being willing to accept conviction and discipline.  I am blessed when He chastens me (Psalm 94:2).  He reproves me because He loves me, as His child (Proverb 3:11, 12).  Therefore, I accept the pinching of my soul and not reject it.

My compassionate, loving, and reproving Father, how I thank You that You have planted me into a church that doesn’t offer pinch-free sermons so that I can feel good about my sins (and no comfy spiritual shoes to walk through that very wide door to hell).  You have given me brothers and sisters in Christ who are able and willing to be the “Nathans” in my life (2 Samuel 12).  You didn’t save me just so I could have a comfortable life on this earth.  You saved me to glorify You, to grow in Christ, to do Your work which You have prepared for me to do (Ephesians 2:10), and ultimately, to be like You, and with You, for all eternity.  I praise You, that you have “opened my lips that my mouth may declare Your praise” (Psalm 51:15).

WHINING TO GOD

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t help yourself, you just started whining to God?  I know I have.

“I don’t wanna be in rush hour in a blizzard with only a box of donut crumbs for sustenance!”

“I don’t wanna be standing in the unemployment line!”

“I don’t wanna be in the hospital with a broken leg ’cause I was rollerblading at age 60!”

Okay, that last one isn’t true.  It was just a broken bone in the foot whilst walking the dog and dodging oncoming traffic.

Anyway, as uncomfortable as it is to admit that I can indeed be a whiner, I know many of you will come forward and admit that you are also whiners.  And if you don’t, well, you’re better people than me, Gunga Din.

There is indeed a point here.  When lingering in the Psalms, this incident about the Jews’ captivity really stuck with me.  The captors asked them to sing a song of Zion, and they responded, “How can we sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land?” (Psalm 137:4).  There it is -- “I don’t wanna be captive in another country!”  Can’t say as I blame them, it sounds really horrible.

However, fast-forward many centuries and compare it with the Paul and Silas when they were captive in Philippian jail (Acts 16:25; Philippians 1:12-14).  What if they had whined to God, “I don’t wanna be in this jail?  Do I have to?”  It’s possible God would have told them, “No, you don’t have to.  You GET to.  You get to have the privilege in your confinement of pointing that guard, those other prisoners, to ME, to salvation.”

Ahh, it’s making sense now.  Paul and Silas were confined in jail, but by their joyful witness, a guard was saved.  Paul understood that, even though he might be in bondage, the word of God never has been, and never will be, imprisoned (2 Timothy 2:9).  Paul’s temporary physical bondage led a person in spiritual bondage to sin to be freed from it.

Thank You, my Father, for showing me that whining accomplishes nothing, but praising and glorifying You accomplishes everything. You’ve given me a firm foundation to know that if You choose to place me in a “foreign-land captivity and/or prison” circumstance in the future, it could very well be a divine appointment to spiritual freedom for someone else.  Thank You for scriptural examples of Your purpose at work in Your children.