50 SHADES OF BLUE

 

Once Upon a Time, I was a sickenly-sweet moppet of a child, the darlingest of tots. According to my unbiased mother. And also according to mom, I developed one bad habit. If I didn’t get my way, I’d protest the unfairness by holding my breath. Until I turned blue. After several of these tantrums, fearful for my life, poor mom called the doctor, begging for his help. Doc said, “Ignore her. Walk out of the room. She just wants attention. The worst that can happen is she’ll faint and then start breathing again.”

It just about killed her, but she walked away. Being a fast learner, I never bothered turning blue again. And we all lived happily ever after.

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could say that I never-ever again demanded my own way? It’s easy enough to justify being demanding in this world because I see the same behavior from others every day, usually on the news. Sometimes it has to do with which direction one’s knees are bent, up or down. Protesting in its many forms is demanding attention, wanting what we want when we want it. And if we don’t get it, we’ll “hold our breath” in one way or another until we get it.

Although I’ve never tried holding my breath literally in adulthood, since the Lord saved me, it has now occurred to me that maybe, sometimes, rarely, I’ve done it spiritually. If He isn’t giving me what I ask for, speedily, well, I recognize that I have indeed held my spiritual breath as an incentive to Him to produce-or-else.

It’s unnerving to see that in print, to admit to myself and to Him that this is in my heart. It’s obvious that turning spiritually “blue” means that I don’t believe His way is best, no matter what His timeline is. It’s an obvious lack of trust, and God has never been a fan of whining and complaining children. He doesn’t panic about His kids’ behavior. The wandering Israelites learned that the hard way, moaning about their wandering and His manna provision (Numbers 21:4-5).

My patient and loving Father, thank You for gently (and sometimes forcibly) teaching me to stop holding my spiritual breath in a bid for what I think is proper attention and instant gratification. Sometimes I’m a slow learner, thinking that feeding my pride is preferable to humbly and joyfully trusting in You with all my heart. Please help me to remember that You graciously give me breath every day. I want to live out Your written word in Psalm 50, and be like all creation, that everything (including me) that has breath praise the Lord. Thank You for causing me daily not to hold my breath, but to breathe out praise for Your excellent greatness!