As a wee child, even though I bore a super sweet curly-headed resemblance to Shirley Temple, it was a clever deception. I was always a stingy child. It probably started when my parents had the audacity to bring home a squalling noise-factory they referred to as my “brother.” As this brother grew older, the folks expected me to share (!) my toys and my room and my desserts with him. Even if mom gave me bigger toys and bigger slices of cake, I still felt deprived somehow. It took awhile before I began seeing this brother as a person to be enjoyed. And I failed to appreciate mom for being Mom and not my personal Mrs. Santa. Sadly, I think the need to hold onto what was MINE grew roots deep into my brain, because I feared that things were temporary and could be taken away at any moment.
Somewhere a few years ago, I saw a drawing/cartoon of a little girl holding her well-loved teddy bear (or maybe it was a doll?) tightly in her hands. In front of her was a smiling Jesus, and He was holding a really big teddy bear in His hands behind His back. The message is that all she had to do was release her raggedy beloved bear to Him, and He would replace it with something so much better. She look suspiciously at Him.
It’s true that sometimes we (meaning me) like to hold onto things tightly. Even though we/me understand fully that sometimes
He certainly might have something much better in mind for us/me, there’s a stingy, untrusting fear that maybe He doesn’t have our/my best interests at heart.
I recall some instances in my life when I put on my big-girl pious hat, offered Him my trust, and loosened my grip on some object/circumstance,
expecting to receive something better. And He did indeed give me a tremendous gift.
He offered me ... His empty hands. He offered me Himself. He offered me an opportunity to worship and praise Him, not just a gift. Apparently, He thought I needed a change in perspective. So I remained “giftless” for a season. It was then that I learned
to trust and love Him more, because there were no competing affections. I learned that temporary earthly stuff was diddly squat compared to eternity with my Lord and Savior.
My Jesus, how I thank You for the times of “giftlessness.” I thank You for gently showing me that Your grace is sufficient
for me, that You alone are sufficient. I thank You for causing me to remember Thomas, by showing him Your empty hands, that were not really empty. Those crucified hands showed that You, my Lord and my God, lovingly died
for sins, among which is greediness for gifts. You are my gift, and because You secured eternal life for me on the Cross, I’m assured of sinless
adoration of You. How I look forward to that moment when I see You face to face, my perfect Gift.
