FORGIVE ME

One of our previous dogs, Sophie Mae, reached adult behavior by 6 months of age. If she wanted to chew on something like a chair leg, I’d just give her a chew toy instead and say, “Sophie’s toy.” She’d look at me with a face that said, “well, alright, do you think I’m stupid?” When I told her “good girl, all is forgiven,” she’d say, “oh goodie, let’s play ball!”  The problem never presented itself again, as she took correction as instruction, learned from it, and went happily on her way. 

Lily Rose, on the other hand, was such a sensitive little soul. She was so aware of everything she had ever done that she lived in fear of being murdered by me, which is silly, ’cause I never murdered her, not even once. Not when she chewed furniture or shoes. Not when she visited the kitty box looking for a midnight buffet. Not when she shredded toilet paper all over the house.

Lily’s way of dealing with anxieties, after destroying something, was to hurl herself on her back and go into leg-kicking spasms of guilt while shrieking, “forgive me, don’t kill me!” Even though I was far from happy about her escapades, we kept working on the anxieties and after a couple of years, the destructive tendencies subsided. But through her life, she absorbed and held onto everything that she, or Sophie, or every dog in the world, has done wrong, living in a constant state of self-imposed guilt and unforgiveness, spasming on the floor at the least little thing, sometimes for hours, laying there on her back, internally screaming “I'm horrible, don't look at me!” She never truly believed she was forgiven, even as I’m saying, “let’s play ball.” She’s saying, “no, I can’t play! I can’t forgive myself!.”

Which has led me to think about stuff in my own life that I’ve thought I couldn’t forgive myself for. Imagine my surprise the day I realized that God never says anything about that. Because it’s not my job to forgive me. It’s already accomplished! If I insist on wallowing in my sin, I can’t commune with other believers, and I can’t fellowship with God. Because of what Christ has done on the cross, all my sins have been permanently forgiven (Luke 5:20; 1 John 2:12) and I'm reconciled to God. If I selfishly insist on wallowing in my already-forgiven sin, I’m telling Him that what He did isn’t good enough, that instead I still have to fix things for myself. I'm ignoring the obvious -- that “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

Thank You, my Jesus, that because of Your perfect work on the cross, I can move on in joyful communion with You. If all I do is concentrate on my past sins, or how I might sin tomorrow, I’m fixing my eyes on myself, when I should be focusing on You (Hebrews 12:2).  I do still sin, but upon repentance and asking for Your forgiveness, I truly believe that I'm forgiven because You said so (1 John 1:9), not based upon my own flawed feelings. Because of that, I can experience daily freedom, joy, and the peace that only You can give (John 14:27).

FALLING OFF THE WAGON

Y'all try not to be jealous, but … I am the Queen of Klutz.  Most of my acquaintances know that I accidentally knock elbows, knees, and forehead all over my house, into walls and into furniture.  I’ve fallen off chairs, off my bicycle, off my front porch into a rose bush, and I even fell into an open grave once.  Don’t ask.

I’ve also learned that it’s possible to fall in other ways.  Falling off the proverbial “wagon” means, in my case, falling off a carefully-constructed diet plan.  This year I’ve been eating almost exclusively healthy food.  Yet when confronted with a huge chocolate cake, I tripped over its 6-foot shadow and fell face first into that pile of gooey wonderfulness.  That’s certainly not MY fault.  Is it?  Surely, being klutzy, and falling off things into other things, can be blamed upon The Fall!?  Good, we agree, now I feel better.

HowEVer … it’s occurred to me that sometimes, maybe, perchance … I don’t just fall off the wagon, nor am I pushed off by enablers with ornery tendencies.  I hate to say it out loud, but there are those rare times when instead of falling, I actually dive into temptations and sins headfirst, whooping with glee all the way down, like extreme bungee-cord jumping.  I hear certain people (sometimes just my own voice) chirp to me, “ya gotta have fun sometimes!”   And shoving away any common sense at all, I yell, “okay!!” and off I leap into my sin du’jour where wallowing commences.

I don’t think there’s anything in Scripture specifically against pastry sin (well, okay, there’s gluttony).  There’s plenty about using discernment in hanging out with (alleged) friends who may enjoy leading me astray (Proverbs 22:24-25; 1 Corinthians 15:33).  Isn’t it interesting how we want to blame somebody else?  How about Eve!  Because just as she saw and lusted, then dove headlong into sin, I’m also prone to leaping off my sanctification wagon.  Yeah, it’s all her fault.

My loving, patient Lord Jesus, although it’s depressing to know that sometimes I obstinately choose to sin, it’s so mega-comforting to know that You understand.  You were tempted because You shared in flesh and blood, yet without sin (Hebrews 2:18).  My Jesus, please cause me, on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis to choose NOT to dive into sin, but into your grace.  Help me not to walk according to the flesh, but by the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-26).  And how I praise You for the blessed reminder that there is now no condemnation in You, because You have set me free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:1-2).  Just as the Holy Spirit intercedes for me from within, so do You intercede for me from above (Romans 8:26, 34).  As I walk with You through the rest of my days, I anticipate less spiritual klutziness, so no more blaming allowed!

ONE !!

1

It’s now a few days past New Year’s with its huge headlines of shiny new babies and glistening new beginnings. But by this time, most people have already experienced the annual trauma of making resolutions, and then watching them go splat on the floor. These self-promises usually involve trying to morph our torsos from flub to fab. I totally commiserate. I myself have spent years attempting to dedicate myself, to set my mind firmly to develop healthy habits. It requires work. And I’m sad to confess, I don’t always wanna work. I seldom have the correct mind-set. Yes, I have chronic congenital mind-flub.

 

I’ve seen a t.v. commercial that talks about how wonderful it would be if all we had to do was eat 1 piece of rabbit food and voila! no more diabetes, or do 1 pushup and ta-da! no more heart issues! It would certainly make life a cakewalk, wouldn’t it? Sadly, things just don’t work that way in this world.

 

Except for 1 instance about 2,000 years ago ... when Jesus “offered one sacrifice for sins for all time” (Hebrews 10:12). “Christ died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God” (1 Peter 3:18).

 

My Jesus, how thankful and awed I am, that You were so determined that You resolutely and steadfastly set Your face to go to Jerusalem (Luke 9:51), to go to the cross. You never had mind-flub, You had courage and commitment, for the Father’s glory and for my salvation. Please cause me to develop the same mind-set of commitment to You, to grow in You, and to know You more each day.